Camping and Noobies

From the title I bet you’re thinking “oh, here we go, another camping/noob rant” and depending on your side of the fence or propensity for tents you’ll also be thinking “AWESOME!” or “That is somewhat less than awesome.”. Well, to save you the time of reading this and getting all disappointed if you read this by mistake – this post is PRO-camping, and PRO-noobies. For the run-and-gunners out there, ‘pro’ means ‘for’ or ‘in favour of’ (in my experience run-and-gunners are a bit hard of learning as the video at the end perfectly illustrates).

Now, run-and-gun/gunner/s is lot to type so from now they’ll be referred to as RAG or RAGs – it also ties into their lobby attitude as they ‘rag’ or ‘rage’ on anyone who kills them while not playing the game the way they do.

So here’s the thing, the game has a squillion different combinations of weapons and perks to suit a squillion different types of game play and player. Now I’ve been about for a while and the RAGs are the people, or at least the mindset, who started out on Quake or Unreal Tournament. Massive jumps, huge weapons, massive collateral, mega spawn killing. I never liked that, I never found the enjoyment of “I spawn, therefore I die.” – especially on a 56kbps dial up connection (told you I’ve been around a bit). I played Medal of Honor:Allied Assault/Spearhead and the original Call of Duty. The maps allowed for more realistic gameplay. By realistic, I mean strategic. Strategic to a RAG means camping. But here’s the thing, to me, camping means wedging yourself in the corner of a room with a shotgun or bazooka or something trained at the door. I rarely do that – well, not for a whole match anyway.

From the early days I’ve always used headphones while playing – mainly because it was usually late and I didn’t want disturb the family. This allowed me one major advantage over most other players – I could hear footsteps. So when I’d be WALKING around the map and hear CLUMP CLUMP CLUMP as some retarded RAGer comes running from the other direction it would allow me to stop, wait for them to round the corner AND SHOOT THEM IN THE FACE!!! Apparently, that’s camping. Well RAGers, if you’re still reading this far, here’s a tip – turn off your shitty music, whether it be Pantera or Dr Dre and try listening to the game dumbasses.

Now MW2 has been called the camper’s paradise, and to a certain extent it is. Except for one thing, on any map, for every decent camping spot there a line of sight for the enemy to your back. For all other nooks and crannies it’s the other person’s fault if they walk in to your trap. If you get killed by a real and proper camper you have the kill cam to show you where they are – this gives you valuable information, and a choice. The Choices are: a) use the information to go back and get some revenge b) use the information to avoid the camped area, or c) RAGE QUIT!!111!!!eleventy!! If you choose ‘a’ and it was me who killed you you may as well just nade yourself as I won’t be there anymore and will be scoping out your revenge route.

So anyone who doesn’t go running around the map getting stupidly is a camper, and anyone who chooses to use a weapon is a noob….apparently. In CoD4 the word noob was added to the end of every gun and perk which made me think that the only way the whiners (RAGs) would be happy would be if there were no weapons or perks and you all met in the centre of the map where you had to beat each other with tree branches. But some noob status is still given to the use of grenade launchers (noob tubes) and certain guns – ironically the model 1887s are considered noobish even though you have to be level 67 to unlock them.

So here’s the thing. Why are weapons only called noobish if they get the kill. There’s never any rage in the lobby against someone using a grenade launcher if they failed to kill anyone. The only time there is RAG rage is when they get killed which seems to be counter intuitive – surely the person who is dead is the noob, and not the person doing the killing. It also takes more skill to consistently get a non-explosive kill with a grenade launcher than it does to empty a clip from the Scar-H or ACR (the preferred weapons of RAGs). And don’t forget that to get the different achievements you have to use certain weapons and perks.

But here’s the rub, it’s a game. And you can play it however you like. If I want to run around sticking semtex on people and laying claymores everywhere then that is up to me. If you want to climb up the scaffolding on Hi-Rise (so I can acog you in the face) then that’s you’re decision. We all choose how to play the game, the only limit is what IW puts on us, not what some screaming puke yells you should be doing – which is why you have the mute option – USE IT!

And now on to the main feature – I suspect this player is actually OnlyUseMeKnife (*EDIT – it’s not OUMK, but I forget right now the guy’s name, he’s Machinima though) – viewer discretion advised due to some offensive language. But for all you tent lovers, here’s how it should be done:

Oh, Infinity Ward, I know you read all my posts because I’m so awesome, so in the next patch, please allow the ability to “mute all” recursive so I don’t have to listen to screaming whiney pukes. I don’t like my game time interrupted by having to go in and mute every idiot that joins the game. KTHNXBAI!!!11!1!

Find me on PSN – evaDlivE