And so it was written, on the third day he descended from the mountain, and in his arms he carried two tablets. And on those tablets were the words of wisdom, the tenets by which all should live or be cast into the outer darkness where there is much weeping and gnashing of teeth. And he read from the tablets and it is written that these were his words: “Thou shalt not die, for to die gives the enemy team an easy victory. Therefore to die is to commit a sin against all that is holy and attract the wrath of all those who scream “NOOB!” into their mics with great vengeance and furious anger. And also thou shalt kill the enemy team, for the only way to victory is by the demise of the enemy team – unless you’re playing Domination in which case capture some flags you camping puke!”
Peas and loaves people.